a different prayer

inspired by the Devil in Job by Yonia Fain

TW: rape

hunched

at the edge of the bed,

he lets his hair drip

into open palms, and

for a moment

i wonder if he will do

what i will later–

raise my hands up, up

and beg.

i will beg for mercy,

but i imagine he

will ask forgiveness.

for his appetite,

for his greed,

for his guileful

groping hands–

he will ask

for redemption

while i beg for relief.

beg why

beg why

beg why

i sit an arm away

knees up and tucked,

covering my nakedness,

my bare bruised skin

new and raw and dirtied,

i still did not get up,

i still did not get up.

but i look to the ceiling

and maybe beyond,

and i begin to beg.